Monday, October 20, 2008


So the least I can say is the view from the bottom makes everything going up look SO much better. Why am I writing this at 8:40am when I am supposed to be at work at 8am? Well that is simple. Life is not simple...and I find when one thing goes wrong others follow. I am laying in my bed not sure if I breathe or move if I will be able to keep myself from losing the wonderful bowl of pasta I made for myself last night (I knew it was too soon to eat but man pasta sounded simple enough to work). Unfortunately my stomach bug (thanks ladies of the +18F unit) has not left my body, which for the record, is very appropriate considering the ouch that still encompasses the rest of my being. I think I am actually smiling about this right now because...that is life. Man I am tired...

But I am finding my way. I think that is rare in the world. I mean, most of the most wonderful people I know find a wall that they hit too hard and that is it. The end of progression. I hope that I am always a person who beats my head against that wall until I am able to break through or make sense of it. Hopefully there will still be those of you who love my deformed and fractured little skull throughout the process. Ha.

I owe Candace a huge holler (no, the word will not die out of my diction, i love it). We may never know how old she is, but, I think her mind has years on her body. And I like to think people like her never let their hearts get old. I have spent years being afraid of the limitations others would place on me if they saw my struggles...and my experiences thus far have taught me to be afraid. But as Jessica was telling me this seems the stronger you become in yourself, the more you love yourself...the more other people are moved towards you...see what you are capable of. I don't know what Candace is seeing right now- and that is probably a good thing because it shouldn't be about what anyone else sees it should be about what I see. But, what I need is support and help- to have others believe in me and be there as I really need them not as they think I do. And for that I owe her my sincerest gratitude.

Sidenote- Jessica, I will continue to be grateful for you existence in my life...but perhaps better than paying homage to you in my blog, is actually acting upon the things we discuss and showing you that I hear and respect you. <3

Well I can freely move without being uber ill I am going to get going to work. Prayers please...I still don't know what they mean in terms of God...but they mean so much to me.

What I am Thankful for Today:

Two roommates who find their own way to be here for me. They are not indebted...nor were they asked....they just are there. Unconditional love. I love and respect both of them more than I can ever find words to let them know. Perhaps I will work harder at my actions...

And for me, this song always makes the world better. I just can't hate life when I dance around in my underwear to this.
I will save the dancing till my stomach settles though...haha.

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